A burglar was going through a condo, he came across a parrot, and the parrot said, "God is watching you." The burglar just ignored it.
The parrot said, more loudly this time, "God is watching you, and Jesus is coming!"
The burglar asked the parrot, "If you're so smart, then what's your name?"
The parrot replied, "Moses."
"What kind of moron names a parrot Moses?" laughed the burglar.
The parrot replied, "The same fool who named his two pit bulls God and Jesus."
A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her,
"Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I
bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits
and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could
carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help
you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no
one will question you."
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go
ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From
the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The Officer thought
this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist
to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless
you, Father, go ahead."
The mother went to the minister and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted
to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the minister. The
minister sat the boy down on the other side of his huge, impressive desk. For about
five minutes they just sat and stared at each other.
Finally, the minister pointed
his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk,
in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
Again, louder, the minister
pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again the boy looked all around but
said nothing.
A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the minister leaned far across
the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked "Where is God?"
The
boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him
upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief.
He finally said, "We are in B-
The older boy asked, "What do
you mean, B-
His brother replied, "God is missing and they think
we did it."
In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whenever something went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing about a minister nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the minister to talk with the boys. The father agreed.
